The Dark Journals: Ioz

Author: Red Pickle Duck

Day 1: Today while fine dining in an established restaurant, I overheard a boy and his pet monkey bird talking about a treasure map. They are both no where as good looking as I am, so I decided it would be safe to say any treasure we get and any marooned chicks we run into will be heading my way. Oh yeah, I stole Joat’s boat. Heh, I saw Mary from Sasha’s Silks waiving at me. Chicks dig scars.

Day 2: Can’t find my leather thong.

Day 4: Map is a fake. I’d like to know what else is fake around here. I’m not referring to the fine booty that stowed away on board. I’m used to it by now, I can’t blame the girl. Ioz, you’re looking good. Oh yeah, we found a treasure of rule today, and apparently there’ll be more. I’d still like to know where my thong got to.

Day 5: Been comparing my self to the boy. My muscles are way nicer. He may have the tan and eyes, but I definitely got the raw sex appeal.

Day 6: Found a golden plate that reflects my face nicely.

Day 7: Stole Treasure from the Atanii to pay Enrique, my personal trainer.

Day 9: Pandawa. Lots and lots of monkey birds. Unfortunately we lost Ren, but fortunately we lost Niddler. Too bad Ren’s dead; but at least now Tula won’t be catching cheap glances in his direction whenever his shirt flies in the wind, there’s only me to worry about. Oh yeah, Konk got away.

Day 11: Janda Town. Maybe I’ll suggest we can stop looking for Konk and that Tula could make more than enough at Denise’s House of Negotiable Affections. (Later) Still looking for Konk. Also looking for shop that covers up flesh wounds. (Later still) Zoolie handled Konk for us. Even with his hair grown back, Zoolie makes me look real good. Picked up a new thong. This one has sequins embroided on it.

Day 12: I saved the day once again! Turns out Ren isn’t dead, and Tula didn’t drug me to take advantage of me. Oh well, if she’s still into bondage or anything kinky like that there’s always what I have stored down in the brig of the wraith. Oh yeah, he found another treasure, this one almost competes with my manhood, but nothing is that big.

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