The Dark Journals: Niddler

Author: Red Pickle Duck

Day 1: Good thing Konk took the rap for me eating Bloth’s pudding tin. Gee, he was mad.

Day 4: Kidnap some kid. Doesn’t look like he’ll make much of a meal. Yeesh, had I known these trips of his were so low in caloric value I would have kidnapped the chick in the lighthouse. She looked tasty. Oh yeah, got charged with some quest, and the kid got some sort of necklace. Why is it I think this trip will involve more than crossdressing?

Day 5: Met up with some guy with pigtails in an inn today, and we stole a ship. Now, I’m not a judgmental monkey bird, but I have the sneaking suspicion that his sexual orientation is about as straight as that sword of his. I mean, during the meal I distinctly heard the word “Experienced” and “Semen.”

Day 6: Found this neat leather slingshot.

Day 7: Saw Ioz posing next to Ren. Ren wasn’t really paying attention, he was looking out to sea. I’m worried.

Day 8: Got the first treasure of rule and a new friend! Hooray! Unfortunately, she fights a lot with Ioz. I think its about hair gel or something,

Day 9: Its about Ren’s affections, I’m sure of it.

Day 10: Met the Atanii and they captured us. That wasn’t very nice. They’re too skinny to make a decent meal. Why can’t we land on an island with nice plump vegetables?

Day 11: Geez, some people can’t keep their hands to themselves. Ioz was wearing a purple robe from the king of the Atanii apparently. Everybody seems to be open about his sexuality besides him.

Day 12: Got a brand new anchor! Yay for me! Now I can open coconuts! Oh yeah, single handedly saved the monkey birds from slavery after Ioz and Tula left us. Maybe they went dress shopping, I don’t know. Ren got knocked out and missed out. Got the second treasure of rule, and some sweet lovin’ from Cloe. Oh yeah, who’s your daddy? .come to think of it, I’ve been meaning to ask the queen about that.

Day 13: My leather slingshot was a hit. Now, all the monkey birds are wearing them, they make great headbands Ren didn’t want to wear one, though. We’re leaving tomorrow because of his disrespect to Monkey bird trends.

Day 14: Left Pandawa with only a broken wing. Got captured by the maelstrom. Met this woman named Avagon. She looks to skinny to make much a meal out of. She told me and Ren about her relationship with Primus. I looked around to see if Ren had any half-siblings, but nope. Dang, little kids are good eating. We left the sewers just to see Tula warming herself up to Bloth. Not that I can blame her, being stuck with Ioz whose probably stealing her makeup all the time. Ren got mad though. Konk got fed to the constrictus again. My guess is that he really did steal the pudding tin this time. Oh yeah, we saved Teron, threw a mutiny on board and made off with 2 out of 13 treasures. Ioz is sooooo gay.

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