The Dark Journals: Ren

Author: Red Pickle Duck

Alright, this one isn’t as consistant as the others, but I think its funny anyway:

Day 1: This red bird thing kidnapped me after Jenna gave me a broken sword and told me the guy I saved (but who still went and died) was my father. Yeesh, He-Man gets a sword that transforms him, I get a broken handle. Maybe when I find the other half I’ll get some cool power or something, but odds are it’ll release a demon or curse me the way this day has been going. Anyhew, I got brought to a ship where this old bald got even more mystical. I escape him with the help of the red bird thing. Its annoying but I can always eat it and use its skin for clothing. I think I’ll keep up this innocent farm boy routine.


What is it with people dying two minutes after they tell me things? First my stupid “Get my ass captured” father puts on a light show, then a flipping thirty foot lizard gets his ass kicked by a dozen guys I took on my own! Niddler took one guy, granted, but he had a twinkie in his pocket. Yeah, there was a guy in a dress who gave me a necklace there too, I’m starting to get concerned.

Day 2: Wow, Jenna was right. Riding with the wrong crowd DOES lead to criminal behavior. I stole my first ship today. Ioz is nice, but he keeps flexing his muscles and rubbing oil on himself every time we pass a ship that might have girls on it. Unfortunately they’ve all been fishermen. Niddler is suspicious, but I think it was an accident. It’s hard to tell, lots of people have long hair… and wear jewlery…like Ioz…

Day 3: We definitely need a chick on deck. I don’t want any rumors to start to surface.

Day 4: We have a girl on the ship! Tula’s very nice. I like her a lot. Ioz keeps fighting with her for some reason. I think its about hair gel, ‘cause that’s what Niddler says and the monkey bird is usually following Ioz around taking notes. Oh yeah, found the first treasure of rule. My compass was pointing to a bright light on the top of some stairs.

Without the compass we’d never save the day.

Day 5: Tula said something about showing me some Karma Sutra, but I don’t believe in reincarnation

Day 6: Found the island of the Atanii. I managed to pursuade the king to let us stay the night. Tula told me she was scared of the dark, so I lit a candle. Some women…

Day 7: The Atanii followed after us. Turns out the other two pilfered a plate and scroll. The king banished me. Oh yeah, Konk stole the compass and treasure and we’re hot on his tails. Unfortunately, somehow I lost my pants and I can’t find them. This is rather embarassing.

Day 8: Now I know why Niddler’s such a little bastard. All monkey birds are. They only have one mother. I asked Niddler who his father was, and Tula had to explain some concepts to him. Jenna was wrong, there is no stork. Well, maybe its different in Octopon, I don’t know. Tula has neat books explaining such things. Oh yeah, I got knocked out when I tripped over Niddler and the monkey birds took back their island.

Fortunately the queen had the second treasure of rule, so it wasn’t a total waste. I’m so glad I helped free the monkeybirds.

Day 9: Niddler is sick

Day 10: I wonder if the thong was Tula’s…

Day 11: Once again, Captured. Met Avagon. And I thought Jenna was a control freak. I asked her one simple question and she gives me a flashback. We escaped the sewers to find out the Tula had the treasures and was going to pay off Bloth with them. Turns out she ain’t evil, just wanted to rescue Teron. I hope he’s related to her or something…

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