The Dark Journals: Tula

Author: Red Pickle Duck


Day 14: Been working in a tavern. Still no sign of Teron. Need a new plan.

Day 16: Cute boy in tavern today. Unfortunately he was paying more attention to his monkey bird than me. I heard them say something about a ship and treasure.

Day 17: Snuck aboard ship. Very easy. Nobody ever heard of guards. Silly non-Andorians.

Day 18: Been studying the three. Apparently they stole ship. The monkey bird likes to follow the one I think is named ‘Ioz’ around. Ioz likes to flex next to the one called ‘Ren’. I think he’s compensating. Ren seems oblivious to everything.

Day 19: Made myself known on ship. Ioz found my hair gel in the sink two days ago and still hasn’t noticed my presence. He uses the same brand apparently. The pig used up the whole bottle. Oh yeah, found the first treasure of rule.

Day 20: Ren is so hot when he’s pulling off the innocent farm boy routine. Ioz is clearly compensating for something. Hit on Ren. He didn’t get it.

Day 21: Island of the Atanii. I snuck into the library and found some scrolls of interest. I was looking for something on deep conditioning routes when I found out where Teron was. Serves him right, but I have to go save him. Yeesh. Ioz keeps staring at his own reflection. I offered to switch clothing with him. He said no. Hit on Ren. He lit a candle. Grrr…

Day 22: The Atanii caught us and made us give back what we stole. I gave them my father’s recipe for gumbo. They won’t notice. Hit on Ren. He got his vocabulary confused. Konk stole compass and treasure and we’re in hot pursuit. Speaking of hot, Ren can’t find his pants. Maybe I’ll tell him I left them under my cot, but he’s not coming out of his room.

Day 23: Hit on Ren. He must have been raised by an over-protective mother figure.

Day 24: Pandawa. Unfortunately I had to leave Ren and Niddler to go with Ioz. I swear, I heard him saying to himself that he was prettier than me. He may wear more jewlery, but I definately have the goods on the ship. We’re after Konk. Hit on Ioz. The bastard came onto me like a virgin. I knocked him out and continued sailing in peaceful silence. I’m going to miss Ren.

Day 26: Janda Town. Met up with Zoolie who got the treasures back. I drugged Ioz and Zoolie, partly because to save Teron, but mainly because of the hair gel incident.

Day 27: Ren is alive! Hooray! Teron’s alive! Hooray! Ioz bought his own gel! Hooray! Now, the only problem I see right now is my relationship with Ren. Note to self: Next season, show a little more skin.

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